|dave barry's 2006 gift guide
Miami Herald (and syndicated in several hundred other newspapers)
Sunday, November 25, 2006
by Dave Barry
We were honored to have our scrolling
message bra included
in Dave Barry's annual list of "comically unnecessary holiday
gifts for people, to reciprocate for the comically unnecessary gifts that
you know they're going to give to you."
You can read the whole article online here.
ELECTRONIC MESSAGE BRASSIERE
$500 plus shipping and handling from Enlighted Designs Inc., P.O. Box
231548, Encinitas, Calif. 92023-1548, 760-505-3343, www.enlighted.com.
If you are a woman who possesses a pair of bosoms, you are probably aware
that men look at them from time to time (defined as ''once every .000000000003
seconds''). This is NOT because men are lowlife sex-addict hound dogs.
It is a vital instinct that Nature has ``hard-wired'' into males because,
back when primitive humans were roaming around being primitive, the very
survival of the species depended upon the male's ability to accurately
determine, when he entered a group, which group members were females, and
which ones were other males, and which ones were trees.
That's right, ladies:
Next time a guy is taking a gander at your goods, do not be critical of
him, because he is only trying to save humanity from destruction, which
is also why he is buying you a mojito.
So if men have no genetic CHOICE but to look at women's bazoomage, the
logical question is: Can you, as a woman turn this instinct into a means
of improved inter-gender communication? The answer is, yes you can. You
can wear this electronic message brassiere, which uses an exciting new
technology called ''electric lights'' to flash actual letters on your cleavage
region, thus forming actual words. Granted, these have to be very short
words, such as ''HEY'' and ''WOW.'' But the important thing is, you will
be communicating, and without communication, we are nothing more than primitive
savages, enslaved by base physical wants.
Let us buy you a mojito.